some 15 year old girls don’t grow up to ignore and pretend their emo phase once existed. Jesus, i’m 19, close to 20, i should be heading for my second year at uni, instead of repeating the same year for the third time, instead of drinking alone and slicing my fucking wrists. At least I don’t cry over it anymore, i don’t laugh either, everything is plain and normal.. I’ve been 15 since i was 12, and it still hasn’t stopped. I don’t get it.
There are some people on tumblr which I’ve followed since i was 15/16 who were/are of the same age as me, and it’s ridiculous, and terrifying to see some fail to make it past that 15 year mark, and to see some move on in life, fight to grow year by year.
it’s not time i have to blame here, or general adolescent brains it’s all my own fault, i’m too comfortable here to move on, to grow with my damn age. so much acceptance and facing of repressed events, perhaps i’ll just stay at 15 till i die, it will be a lot calmer.
it seems fake and i don’t know if it happened or not, did i actually even cut myself? i mean i have the bandage on and it aches a tad every once in a while.. it’s strange it doesn’t seem real.
Thank you <3
Yeah i’ll be fine, just been a while since i’ve cut that deep, also never had blood squirt before, but it hasn’t bled through the many bandages i’ve wrapped round so it’s all good
luckily my blood is good so hopefully it’ll clot to the cotton then it should all be fine. still.. it’s terrifying, i cut something a vein i guess and the blood shot out like in Hollywood films
I may have cut far too deep… and i can’t go to the hospital till the morning..
in 4 years i’ve lived more than many in their whole lives. and yet i still keep fucking up, which is fine at least i know that i’ve done worst so most of the mistakes i’ve made lately and will continue to make in the future, i can live through it. Shame, embarrassment, it’s all so temporary, it’s only you who sees it as something to feel terrible about. Pretty sure being found naked passed out in a pool of your own blood at a friends 15th birthday party is not a mistake i’ll beat any time soon, so for now everything is fine. minor hiccups, yet i still have the mentality of that same dumb 15 year old
i threw myphone against the wall, so theres no music anymore .
I guess ill use lent as an excuse to try stop drinking for a while.
petitechloe said: stop drinking
I’am afraid you are too late
today has been filled with many long island iced teas and now to finish ti off a bottle of wine(whine)Happy birthday daddy thanks for all the alcohol.
time to render me unconscious